Dead Boy's Poem
"If you read this line, remember not the hand that wrote it
Remember only the verse, songmaker`s cry, the one without tears
For I`ve given this its strength and it has become my only strength.
Comforting home, mother`s lap, chance for immortality
Where being wanted became a thrill I never knew
The sweet piano writing down my life"
"Teach me passion for I fear it`s gone
Show me love, hold the lorn
So much more I wanted to give to the ones who love me
I`m sorry Time will tell (this bitter farewell)
I live no more to shame nor me nor you
And you... I wish I didn`t feel for you anymore..."
"A lonely soul... An ocean soul..."
This is probably one of the best weeks i ever had. Ultimately meaningful. The way I want it. Went to Wong's Commisioning parade on Sunday. Sun glares down upon the parade square as the contigents form up in their best form, in their NUMBER 1. Full of pride, they march they sang and they recite as they turned from cadets to officers. Like butterfiles emerging from their cacoon, ready to shoulder new challenges and responsibilities. I salute everyone of you.Sir. Wish i was there, among them but i forsake the chance. Now i honour them. Met many old friends from BMT and school. And above all, i saw janice. Saw, because i turned and walk away. Courage seeps away under my feet pulling me away. Because i am afraid of being looked down upon by her. With such self pity and lack of confidence I scorn myself. But i woke up the next day feeling reborn, feeling all powerful and all egoistic once again. Why, i do not understand. Maybe because I recognise my only strength. My love. Myself. This is me, accept it. And to add on, I thank the way she talked to me real nicely the next day. Like a gentlemen, I thank this fine lady.
Highlight of the evening. Wong and his parents entrusted me to escort his cousin to the gate. Probably because there were no one else, but still, I feel honoured. I felt I was worthy of trust. Never knew she was in NJ as well. Maybe because guojun knew me "too well" before hand. But well, she is a cute girl i would say.And above all, my brother's cousin. But come on, I am of steel.
In a brief moment, I feel my head become clear. I know what I want for now as in day to day. Still my long term inspirations and goals of life are blurred, shaky and stirred. Maybe because i had side tracked for too long a time, for too much fun. Had a great week of peace. I won't say that I am avoiding girls. Rather, I say that I work only for what I want. As before. My way back commenced some time ago, probably when she left, and I am taking small steps at a time, coming back as a better person. I am. This somehow leads me to say that my handphone bill for the previous month is sky high, despite having all day free incoming. 60 bucks for 1300++sms and around 40 bucks for outgoing talktime. I feel real guilty, especially when I don't get a tongue leashing from my father.
Camp life? Great! Getting out of support coy and back to my hawk company, I feel more at home, closer to the man. Been hanging out with them much more. Going beyond the call of duty, I find myself landing in trouble and earning myself one week worth of extra duties as duty spec. Admitedly, this is no punishment at all. You all know me, I enjoy command so much I want to be with my man 24/7 teach them help them guide them F them. A mistake is a mistake, and I take it like a gentleman, like a soldier. Talk about this. Some of the man are indeed respectable. They take up ALL challenges and never shed a tear regardless of whatever sort of pain. Like real MAN. Well, I am refering to the CS smoke chamber.Went in 5 times. 3 times nothing on. Shiok. I will not end my account of camp life before i state how i cannot stand Falcon company. I think F OC has got no professionalism because he cannot differentiate between fighting for his man and cock up Falcon-biased demands. Hawk has got the morale. Today we had a run and the morale was there. We were not running like SAF NSF who have got 2 years to serve. We, the man and the commanders, were running like SOLDIERS. The fighting spirit in their eyes. The spirit of HAWK. Running pass the falcon oc, i felt like raising my middle finger.ops Guess that would really end me in some quite serious trouble.
With this short blog entry, i conclude my week. Sentosa tomorrow and yes to fulfil my ego as a gentlman, I must get a date for V day.
Remember only the verse, songmaker`s cry, the one without tears
For I`ve given this its strength and it has become my only strength.
Comforting home, mother`s lap, chance for immortality
Where being wanted became a thrill I never knew
The sweet piano writing down my life"
"Teach me passion for I fear it`s gone
Show me love, hold the lorn
So much more I wanted to give to the ones who love me
I`m sorry Time will tell (this bitter farewell)
I live no more to shame nor me nor you
And you... I wish I didn`t feel for you anymore..."
"A lonely soul... An ocean soul..."
This is probably one of the best weeks i ever had. Ultimately meaningful. The way I want it. Went to Wong's Commisioning parade on Sunday. Sun glares down upon the parade square as the contigents form up in their best form, in their NUMBER 1. Full of pride, they march they sang and they recite as they turned from cadets to officers. Like butterfiles emerging from their cacoon, ready to shoulder new challenges and responsibilities. I salute everyone of you.Sir. Wish i was there, among them but i forsake the chance. Now i honour them. Met many old friends from BMT and school. And above all, i saw janice. Saw, because i turned and walk away. Courage seeps away under my feet pulling me away. Because i am afraid of being looked down upon by her. With such self pity and lack of confidence I scorn myself. But i woke up the next day feeling reborn, feeling all powerful and all egoistic once again. Why, i do not understand. Maybe because I recognise my only strength. My love. Myself. This is me, accept it. And to add on, I thank the way she talked to me real nicely the next day. Like a gentlemen, I thank this fine lady.
Highlight of the evening. Wong and his parents entrusted me to escort his cousin to the gate. Probably because there were no one else, but still, I feel honoured. I felt I was worthy of trust. Never knew she was in NJ as well. Maybe because guojun knew me "too well" before hand. But well, she is a cute girl i would say.And above all, my brother's cousin. But come on, I am of steel.
In a brief moment, I feel my head become clear. I know what I want for now as in day to day. Still my long term inspirations and goals of life are blurred, shaky and stirred. Maybe because i had side tracked for too long a time, for too much fun. Had a great week of peace. I won't say that I am avoiding girls. Rather, I say that I work only for what I want. As before. My way back commenced some time ago, probably when she left, and I am taking small steps at a time, coming back as a better person. I am. This somehow leads me to say that my handphone bill for the previous month is sky high, despite having all day free incoming. 60 bucks for 1300++sms and around 40 bucks for outgoing talktime. I feel real guilty, especially when I don't get a tongue leashing from my father.
Camp life? Great! Getting out of support coy and back to my hawk company, I feel more at home, closer to the man. Been hanging out with them much more. Going beyond the call of duty, I find myself landing in trouble and earning myself one week worth of extra duties as duty spec. Admitedly, this is no punishment at all. You all know me, I enjoy command so much I want to be with my man 24/7 teach them help them guide them F them. A mistake is a mistake, and I take it like a gentleman, like a soldier. Talk about this. Some of the man are indeed respectable. They take up ALL challenges and never shed a tear regardless of whatever sort of pain. Like real MAN. Well, I am refering to the CS smoke chamber.Went in 5 times. 3 times nothing on. Shiok. I will not end my account of camp life before i state how i cannot stand Falcon company. I think F OC has got no professionalism because he cannot differentiate between fighting for his man and cock up Falcon-biased demands. Hawk has got the morale. Today we had a run and the morale was there. We were not running like SAF NSF who have got 2 years to serve. We, the man and the commanders, were running like SOLDIERS. The fighting spirit in their eyes. The spirit of HAWK. Running pass the falcon oc, i felt like raising my middle finger.ops Guess that would really end me in some quite serious trouble.
With this short blog entry, i conclude my week. Sentosa tomorrow and yes to fulfil my ego as a gentlman, I must get a date for V day.
posted by zente @ 4:04 AM
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